Perspective. It’s a funny thing.
Sometimes, you’re in a situation and you can’t see anything but that. You are so completely wrapped up, enveloped in it, that it seems the only thing that truly exists is that time and place. You can’t see any way out of it.
Being pregnant is like a rollercoaster. Emotions are all over the place. Your body takes on a mind of it’s own. You couldn’t stop or slow it down even if you wanted to. There’s no end in sight….but sometimes, you don’t want it to end. You get so involved in being pregnant and in imagining the little-one-to-be that before you know it, there is a little human in your arms and you wonder how it all happened so fast.
Becoming a new parent is an amazing trip. It’s also hard as hell and nobody really tells you the honest truth about it. But seriously, how could they? There’s no way to understand it until you are actually in it, living it. Thrown to the wolves, in a way. You just have to learn by doing…by experiencing…by sacrificing….by loving. Completely, and with all your being.
Having a child is a lesson.
In humility. Regardless of what you knew before, you find yourself questioning everything. Everything you do. Everything you think. Your motives. You realize it’s not all about you. Never was, really. It’s all about this new life.
In patience. Regardless of what you swore you would never do or say, you find yourself doing exactly that. And then berating yourself for it, and learning from it. Hopefully.
In maturity. Arguing with a toddler? Crying because you’re tired? Pouting when you don’t get to do what you wanna do? Really? Yes. I’ve done it. All of it. Recently. Sad? I know.
In love. The universe has an interesting sense of humor. Who knew that anger, frustration, laughter, and tears all combined to create such an immense love? One minute, you’re fine. The next, you’re bawling like the toddler bawling next to you. Unfathomable not that long ago. You’re so completely in love and you have no idea how to handle it.
It’s a paradigm shift, really.
A year and a half doesn’t seem like very long. And it’s really not. But so much has happened in that short period of time. So many times when I felt like I would be “stuck” forever in that moment in time. So many times when I couldn’t see the way out. But it was forever changing. Forever transforming into the next situation, the next moment in time.
Having a child is a lesson in learning to live in the now and enjoying that moment. Even though it seems like my lil Jedi has been with me forever…even though it’s hard to imagine life without him…even though I miss parts of my “old” life… I know this isn’t forever. Snuggles and bedtime stories. “Peek-a-BOO!” and piggy-back rides. “I wow-woo, Mommy” and all the other cute ways he says things. These won’t be forever. I relish this time with him right now. And I am learning to do a better job of staying present so I can enjoy it in its fullness.
Perspective is a funny thing, isn’t it?
