I'm adding a new word to the parent dictionary: "tantraumatic". If you're a parent or have any interactions with children, I probably don't need to define this word for you. But just in case:
tan-trau-ma-tic—[tan-truh-mat-ik ]—adj.
1. the psychologically painful occurrence of dealing with a toddler mid-tantrum; often resulting in an adult tantrum; can usually be alleviated with a stiff drink...or two
At 21 months old, it’s all about setting boundaries and trying to avoid the looming tantrum, all the while encouraging your toddler to learn and have fun. “No” is heard as frequently from me as it is from him. Whining has become second nature. When he doesn’t hear the answer he wants, he whines, “no, no, no, no!” Although, in reality, this whine is the toddler boy version of a banshee wail accompanied by crying like someone kicked his puppy. And often throwing something or flinging himself back onto the floor. It’s hard to believe that this amazingly cute little man, so capable of melting my heart, is also completely capable of frustrating me to no end. And, by the way…he doesn’t even have a puppy to kick. Nor would I kick it.
There are many ways to deal with a tantrum…so I hear. I’ve got about 7 of them that get used in combination:
1. Calmly try to coax him into doing/not doing whatever it is I need him to do/not do
2. Try to give him something else to distract him
3. Pick him up and remove him from the situation
4. Walk away and say, “Ok…well I’m going over here. Are you joining me?”
5. Giggle at him—because sometimes, that is really all you can do if you want to stay sane
6. Say, “Really? You’re gonna whine about this?”
7. Yell back at him and have my own temper tantrum
At some point in time, they’ve all worked except the last 2. So why do I do them? They don’t work. Why waste my time and energy? Seems like it only happens after I’ve repeatedly exhausted the previous 5 options and I’m at my wits’ end. It’s sad, but it’s true. But when he’s especially needy, I find if I just sit near him, he’ll put his head in my lap and cry and I just rub his back. Seems to do the trick. At least sometimes, anyway.
Obviously, it must be difficult being a toddler. You’re trying to make your way in your little world but you aren’t in charge. Or at least not as in charge as you’d like to be. Toddlers want everything NOW and their way. They don’t understand waiting or safety. …And I hear it only gets worse before it gets better. Yay.
I don’t understand where he’s at…and I definitely don’t remember what it feels like, but it is what it is. He’s learning to assert his independence and I’m learning to be his mother…a loving it.
