The sweetest manipulator in the world...is a Jedi

Apparently, I am a "feet and beshul gull". And those are words to make me melt.  Sounds silly, I know. Who'd wanna be called "feet"? Or a "gull" for that matter? And what the heck is "beshul"? But, I love it. And I melt...maybe even giggle a little. Because it's so dang "feet"...I mean, "sweet".

Unfortunately, it's coming from the sweetest little manipulator in the world--my lil Jedi. I think he has officially realized the power of language. He knows how to say "pease" with just the right intonation--and simultaneously adds a sweet look--so that he can get what he wants. And now, when I'm helping him do something or snuggling him to sleep, that's when I hear a whole slew of loaded terms designed to help him get his way and tug on my heartstrings.

Is this one of those reasons why they say toddlers are egocentric?

I have decided to illustrate my point this time with a little quiz. See how you do. Good luck. :-)

Read the following scenarios and choose the appropriate answer to the questions that follow:

1. First Scenario:

Jax: Mommy, come play!
Me: Okaaaay...what are we playing?
Jax: Football game, Mommy!
Me: Ok...let's play football. (Which is really just where I toss the ball to him and he tries to "catch" it and then he says "TOUCHDOWN!!")
Jax: You are feet gull, Mommy.  Good gull.
Me: Awwwwww....thank you, Jax! I love you!

What has Jaxon learned from this exchange?

A. Girls love it when you call them "feet"
B. Girls love to play football
C. Girls, especially Mommies, are easily manipulated into future games they don't really want to play
     as long as you compliment and praise them

Clearly, the answer to this question is choice "C". If you need an explanation as to why this is the answer, you must not understand women at all, meaning that you are male. Please use this opportunity to learn so that you will do better for the next question.

2. Second Scenario:

Me: Jax, it's lights out. You have 5 "Mommy Minutes" till you go lay in your bed and Mommy goes out.
Jax: Hmmph. (Which usually means, "Yes, I understand")
Me: (I have given countdown "warnings" and now time is up) Ok, Jax, your "Mommy Minutes" are up. It's time to go lay in your bed and go "night-night".
Jax: I don't want lay in my bed. I want nuh-nuh (snuggle) you.
Me: Jax, you already had your chance. "Mommy Minutes" are up. I love you. Night-night.
Jax: I don't want lay in my bed. I want nuh-nuh you. Don't go feetie (as he strokes my cheek). I still have "Mommy Minutes".
Me: (sigh) Okay. We can snuggle. Two more "Mommy Minutes". I love you, you little momkey!
Jax: You are beshul gull, Mommy.

What has Jaxon learned from this exchange?

A. Girls love it when you call them "beshul" and ask to "nuh-nuh"
B. Girls love to "nuh-nuh" and be called "feetie" while you stroke their cheeks
C. Girls, especially Mommies, are easily manipulated into spending precious extra moments from their
     downtime to snuggle a little extra as long as you compliment and praise them


Once again, as you can clearly see, the answer to this question is choice "C". If you need an explanation as to why this is the answer, you obviously did not learn from your previous mistake. It is clear that you do not understand women at all, meaning that once again, you are male. If you expect to make it in this world full of women, you better start with some praise and compliments!


3. Third Scenario:

Jax: Mommy, come play with meeeeeee!
Me: Jax, I'm eating right now. I'll play in just a minute.
Jax:Mommmmmmeeeeeeee! Come play!
Me: Jax, did you hear my words? I'm eating right now. I'll play in just a minute.
Jax: I listen your words. See?
Me: Ok. I'll play in a minute.
Jax: Mommy, you not eat right now. You want play. You come with me.
Me: Is this some kind of Jedi mind trick?
Jax: You want play. You come with me.
Me: (sigh) Ok. Where are we going? What are we playing?
Jax: You good gull, Mommy.



What has Jaxon learned from this exchange?

A. Jedi mind tricks can work on anyone, anywhere--but especially girls
B. Girls will willingly stop whatever they are doing to play with you if you use the Jedi mind trick
C. Girls, especially Mommies, are easily manipulated into putting aside their need for physical
     sustenance as long as you can use the Jedi mind trick while making sure to compliment and praise 
     them

Unfortunately, this was a trick question. The answer is "all of the above". Although I did not give you the option to choose "all of the above", if you were using your brain you would have figured this out. If you need an explanation as to why this is the answer, you obviously did not learn from your previous mistakes. It is clear that you do not understand women at all, meaning that once again, you are male. I am not sure if there is any hope for you. But I wish you luck.



Ok, Ok, Ok...I know--as far as quizzes go, it was a little biased and wasn't really written that well to actually show what you know. But, I think I've made my point. And, surely you've assumed by now what it means to be "feet" (sweet) and a "gull" (girl)...maybe you've even gotten the "beshul" (special) part. Knowing what you know now, how could you not be manipulated into giving the boy what he wants? He's only 2. And, it's obvious my days of snuggling and being his special girl are numbered.

Someday another girl is going to melt when she is called "feet and beshul". Especially when she hears, "Don't go, feetie." That's gonna get her. The same way it does me. And she's gonna stay. Just like I do.

Especially if he uses his Jedi mind trick. I mean his middle name isn't Jedi for nothing.

Curious George...er, I mean, Jax

Reading aloud from a Curious George book, usually starts off like this: "This is ________. He was a good little ________, and always very ________. "

Jaxon supplies the words, "George," "monkey," and "curious" in the correct spots. Can you tell it's a favorite set of stories for him?

I think Jax really connects with George. I mean, look at all the similarities:

• They're about the same height. 
• They both have a great sense of humor.
• They both make monkey sounds.
• They both love bananas.

It's definitely easy to confuse the two. Luckily for me, I have a Jaxon Jedi and not a Curious George. I think if Jax got into nearly all the trouble George gets into, we'd have some temper tantrums...by me.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's a bad thing to be curious. Curiosity has lead to so many great advances throughout history--remember the lightbulb? Sliced bread? The wheel? Yeah...those were good inventions. 

Questioning our lives, our purpose, our solutions...it's important to our future to keep questioning and learn to really THINK.

 

But lately, Jaxon has begun asking the "Dreaded Why?" questions. I knew it was coming eventually but I don't think I was prepared for it at all. And when it's a constant barrage of "why?" it no longer seems so important and groundbreaking. It seems more....exasperating.

But it all started out so simply...

• (pointing): "Dat?" (translation: "What's that?")
• (pointing): "Whassis?" (translation: "What's this?")
•  (pointing): "Whasinere?" (translation: "What's in there?")

Those were cute ways for Jax to find out more about the world around him. I liked this phase of Jaxon-ness. It was super cute to hear him asking questions because I knew the reason was to learn. And what parent (especially a teacher, at that!) doesn't want her child to be excited about learning and seeking out new knowledge? Then, slowly the cute little mispronunciation became, more clearly, the correct pronunciation. He started asking more and more questions about various things around him and Jaxon's knowledge attainment soared.

But then--then came "WHY?".  

I was ok with "why?" at first because it was followed by other words to make a complete question. For instance: "Mommy, why that go there?" To which I would smile and respond appropriately, satisfied that my child's curiosity had been satiated for that specific instant. His mind, expanded. His vocabulary, improved. His mommy, happy. And life was good.

But "why?" has suddenly (and I mean literally, overnight) morphed into an incessant stream of "why?" that ends in a response akin to the commonly known phrase, "Because I said so." 

It goes a little something like this:

Jax: Mommy, why it have rain on ground?

Me: Because it rained today.
Jax: Why?

Me: Because the clouds had water in them.

Jax: Why?

Me: Ummm, because that's what clouds do.

Jax: Oh...why?

Me: Because that's the way the world works.

Great. It's true. It's finally happened. I have officially turned into my parents. It's true I didn't say, "Because I said so." But I thought it. And I said something else that basically means the same thing. Is there no going back? Is there no hope for me? Can I make it through the next who-knows-how-many-years-of-"why" without losing my mind and saying it?

I don't know.

Why?

I just don't know.

Why?

(sigh)

Because I said so.

"Tantraumatic"

I'm adding a new word to the parent dictionary: "tantraumatic". If you're a parent or have any interactions with children, I probably don't need to define this word for you. But just in case:

tan-trau-ma-tic—[tan-truh-mat-ik ]—adj.

1. the psychologically painful occurrence of dealing with a toddler mid-tantrum; often resulting in an adult tantrum; can usually be alleviated with a stiff drink...or two

At 21 months old, it’s all about setting boundaries and trying to avoid the looming tantrum, all the while encouraging your toddler to learn and have fun. “No” is heard as frequently from me as it is from him. Whining has become second nature. When he doesn’t hear the answer he wants, he whines, “no, no, no, no!” Although, in reality, this whine is the toddler boy version of a banshee wail accompanied by crying like someone kicked his puppy. And often throwing something or flinging himself back onto the floor. It’s hard to believe that this amazingly cute little man, so capable of melting my heart, is also completely capable of frustrating me to no end. And, by the way…he doesn’t even have a puppy to kick. Nor would I kick it.

There are many ways to deal with a tantrum…so I hear. I’ve got about 7 of them that get used in combination:

1.     Calmly try to coax him into doing/not doing whatever it is I need him to do/not do

2.     Try to give him something else to distract him

3.     Pick him up and remove him from the situation

4.     Walk away and say, “Ok…well I’m going over here. Are you joining me?”

5.     Giggle at him—because sometimes, that is really all you can do if you want to stay sane

6.     Say, “Really? You’re gonna whine about this?”

7.     Yell back at him and have my own temper tantrum

At some point in time, they’ve all worked except the last 2. So why do I do them? They don’t work. Why waste my time and energy? Seems like it only happens after I’ve repeatedly exhausted the previous 5 options and I’m at my wits’ end. It’s sad, but it’s true. But when he’s especially needy, I find if I just sit near him, he’ll put his head in my lap and cry and I just rub his back. Seems to do the trick. At least sometimes, anyway.

Obviously, it must be difficult being a toddler. You’re trying to make your way in your little world but you aren’t in charge. Or at least not as in charge as you’d like to be. Toddlers want everything NOW and their way. They don’t understand waiting or safety. …And I hear it only gets worse before it gets better. Yay.

I don’t understand where he’s at…and I definitely don’t remember what it feels like, but it is what it is. He’s learning to assert his independence and I’m learning to be his mother…a loving it.

It's All in How You View Things...

 

Perspective. It’s a funny thing.

Sometimes, you’re in a situation and you can’t see anything but that. You are so completely wrapped up, enveloped in it, that it seems the only thing that truly exists is that time and place. You can’t see any way out of it.

Being pregnant is like a rollercoaster. Emotions are all over the place. Your body takes on a mind of it’s own. You couldn’t stop or slow it down even if you wanted to. There’s no end in sight….but sometimes, you don’t want it to end. You get so involved in being pregnant and in imagining the little-one-to-be that before you know it, there is a little human in your arms and you wonder how it all happened so fast.

Becoming a new parent is an amazing trip. It’s also hard as hell and nobody really tells you the honest truth about it. But seriously, how could they? There’s no way to understand it until you are actually in it, living it. Thrown to the wolves, in a way. You just have to learn by doing…by experiencing…by sacrificing….by loving.  Completely, and with all your being.

Having a child is a lesson.

In humility. Regardless of what you knew before, you find yourself questioning everything. Everything you do. Everything you think. Your motives. You realize it’s not all about you. Never was, really. It’s all about this new life.

In patience. Regardless of what you swore you would never do or say, you find yourself doing exactly that. And then berating yourself for it, and learning from it. Hopefully.

In maturity. Arguing with a toddler? Crying because you’re tired? Pouting when you don’t get to do what you wanna do? Really? Yes. I’ve done it. All of it. Recently. Sad? I know.

In love. The universe has an interesting sense of humor. Who knew that anger, frustration, laughter, and tears all combined to create such an immense love? One minute, you’re fine. The next, you’re bawling like the toddler bawling next to you. Unfathomable not that long ago. You’re so completely in love and you have no idea how to handle it.

It’s a paradigm shift, really.

A year and a half doesn’t seem like very long. And it’s really not. But so much has happened in that short period of time. So many times when I felt like I would be “stuck” forever in that moment in time. So many times when I couldn’t see the way out. But it was forever changing. Forever transforming into the next situation, the next moment in time. 

Having a child is a lesson in learning to live in the now and enjoying that moment. Even though it seems like my lil Jedi has been with me forever…even though it’s hard to imagine life without him…even though I miss parts of my “old” life… I know this isn’t forever. Snuggles and bedtime stories. “Peek-a-BOO!” and piggy-back rides. “I wow-woo, Mommy” and all the other cute ways he says things. These won’t be forever. I relish this time with him right now. And I am learning to do a better job of staying present so I can enjoy it in its fullness.

Perspective is a funny thing, isn’t it?

toddlers can make you cry...

Years ago, if you would have told me, “Sometimes you’re so happy, you cry,” I would say, yep…I know what you’re talking about. I’ve felt that. Tears of joy sound a little ironic, but in all actuality, it’s a good feeling. It’s happened at various points in my life. I get it. I understand. But now, as a parent, I can say there’s more to it than simply ‘tears of joy’.

Sometimes being so extremely happy, can in fact, make you sad. And then you cry from the sadness that has resulted from the happiness. Make sense? Or is this just my neurotic mommyness coming out again?

Let me illustrate:

I’m putting a 15-month-old Jaxon to bed for the evening. He’s had story time—2 3 stories this particular evening. He’s had some milk. It’s now officially snuggle time! This is my favorite part of the evening. This is where Jax talks to me. It’s when Jax gives hugs and kisses. He snuggles up for a few minutes before he goes into his bed. I love this part of the night---I just bask in his snuggles and his need of mommy.

And then, I hope. I hope that he does the nose kisses. It’s the sweetest thing in the world, and I love the way he kisses my nose:

Both hands on either side of my face…

Stretch up tall so he can reach my nose…

Look me in the eyes through the darkness of the room…

Lean forward…

And plant a drooly mouth right on my nose…and giggle.

Lean back…smile…giggle….

Repeat.

Well…sometimes.

Sometimes he’ll only do it once and lay back down only to lift his head back up from my shoulder and do it again. But, I am lucky. I usually get at least 3. I never ask for them. I don’t want to “jinx” it. Instead, I hope. I hope that I get nose kisses. It is one of the sweetest things. 

I smile…

I giggle…

I wipe the toddler drool off my nose…

I say, “I love you….lay down…night-night.”  (while inside hoping for more)

It’s not that I don’t enjoy them, but I don’t want to discourage the sleep that needs to happen. I don’t want to be the reason his routine is thrown off and he misses his “window” of optimal bedtime (it does exist, trust me on this) and we’re up all night. That’s not going to happen if I can help it.

But this time, I start to cry. As happy as I am at this moment, I am suddenly hit with an intense sadness. I realize, this little moment in time…just a few minutes of our evening routine…will soon be a thing of the past. Soon, he won’t kiss my nose and giggle. Soon he won’t even remember that he did it. Soon, he’ll be embarrassed to know that he ever did something as silly as that. And then he’ll move away and have a family of his own.  And now, I’m bawling---but doing the silent kind that won’t alert Jax to the fact that mommy’s upset. After all, he needs his sleep. See? I’m a martyr, here. Yes, people….this is how my mother-brain works. I’m tearing up just writing this.

In fact, it’s only a month later, and already the nose kisses have practically disappeared. They’re few and far between. I miss them. A lot.

But, I know everything is just a phase. Everything that has happened up until this point has just been a stepping stone, a building block to the next phase—all helping to create the young man he will eventually become.  A young man whom I will be proud to know and love.

I’ve already seen so many things disappear in his short life. Things that I miss and kinda wish he still did because they were so cute. Things that I’ve already forgotten but am reminded about by Josh, our pictures, or the baby book. So many things are already in the past and new things have come to take their place. And he’s not even 2 years old yet. I can’t imagine the next thing he’s going to do or say that I’m going to fall in love with. I can’t wait for him to do it. I can’t wait to be amazed.

But, I still

hope

hope

hope

for my nose kisses.