Apparently, I am a "feet and beshul gull". And those are words to make me melt. Sounds silly, I know. Who'd wanna be called "feet"? Or a "gull" for that matter? And what the heck is "beshul"? But, I love it. And I melt...maybe even giggle a little. Because it's so dang "feet"...I mean, "sweet".
Unfortunately, it's coming from the sweetest little manipulator in the world--my lil Jedi. I think he has officially realized the power of language. He knows how to say "pease" with just the right intonation--and simultaneously adds a sweet look--so that he can get what he wants. And now, when I'm helping him do something or snuggling him to sleep, that's when I hear a whole slew of loaded terms designed to help him get his way and tug on my heartstrings.
Is this one of those reasons why they say toddlers are egocentric?
I have decided to illustrate my point this time with a little quiz. See how you do. Good luck. :-)
Read the following scenarios and choose the appropriate answer to the questions that follow:
1. First Scenario:
Jax: Mommy, come play!
Me: Okaaaay...what are we playing?
Jax: Football game, Mommy!
Me: Ok...let's play football. (Which is really just where I toss the ball to him and he tries to "catch" it and then he says "TOUCHDOWN!!")
Jax: You are feet gull, Mommy. Good gull.
Me: Awwwwww....thank you, Jax! I love you!
What has Jaxon learned from this exchange?
A. Girls love it when you call them "feet"
B. Girls love to play football
C. Girls, especially Mommies, are easily manipulated into future games they don't really want to play
as long as you compliment and praise them
Clearly, the answer to this question is choice "C". If you need an explanation as to why this is the answer, you must not understand women at all, meaning that you are male. Please use this opportunity to learn so that you will do better for the next question.
2. Second Scenario:
Me: Jax, it's lights out. You have 5 "Mommy Minutes" till you go lay in your bed and Mommy goes out.
Jax: Hmmph. (Which usually means, "Yes, I understand")
Me: (I have given countdown "warnings" and now time is up) Ok, Jax, your "Mommy Minutes" are up. It's time to go lay in your bed and go "night-night".
Jax: I don't want lay in my bed. I want nuh-nuh (snuggle) you.
Me: Jax, you already had your chance. "Mommy Minutes" are up. I love you. Night-night.
Jax: I don't want lay in my bed. I want nuh-nuh you. Don't go feetie (as he strokes my cheek). I still have "Mommy Minutes".
Me: (sigh) Okay. We can snuggle. Two more "Mommy Minutes". I love you, you little momkey!
Jax: You are beshul gull, Mommy.
What has Jaxon learned from this exchange?
A. Girls love it when you call them "beshul" and ask to "nuh-nuh"
B. Girls love to "nuh-nuh" and be called "feetie" while you stroke their cheeks
C. Girls, especially Mommies, are easily manipulated into spending precious extra moments from their
downtime to snuggle a little extra as long as you compliment and praise them
Once again, as you can clearly see, the answer to this question is choice "C". If you need an explanation as to why this is the answer, you obviously did not learn from your previous mistake. It is clear that you do not understand women at all, meaning that once again, you are male. If you expect to make it in this world full of women, you better start with some praise and compliments!
3. Third Scenario:
Jax: Mommy, come play with meeeeeee!
Me: Jax, I'm eating right now. I'll play in just a minute.
Jax:Mommmmmmeeeeeeee! Come play!
Me: Jax, did you hear my words? I'm eating right now. I'll play in just a minute.
Jax: I listen your words. See?
Me: Ok. I'll play in a minute.
Jax: Mommy, you not eat right now. You want play. You come with me.
Me: Is this some kind of Jedi mind trick?
Jax: You want play. You come with me.
Me: (sigh) Ok. Where are we going? What are we playing?
Jax: You good gull, Mommy.
What has Jaxon learned from this exchange?
A. Jedi mind tricks can work on anyone, anywhere--but especially girls
B. Girls will willingly stop whatever they are doing to play with you if you use the Jedi mind trick
C. Girls, especially Mommies, are easily manipulated into putting aside their need for physical
sustenance as long as you can use the Jedi mind trick while making sure to compliment and praise
them
Unfortunately, this was a trick question. The answer is "all of the above". Although I did not give you the option to choose "all of the above", if you were using your brain you would have figured this out. If you need an explanation as to why this is the answer, you obviously did not learn from your previous mistakes. It is clear that you do not understand women at all, meaning that once again, you are male. I am not sure if there is any hope for you. But I wish you luck.
Ok, Ok, Ok...I know--as far as quizzes go, it was a little biased and wasn't really written that well to actually show what you know. But, I think I've made my point. And, surely you've assumed by now what it means to be "feet" (sweet) and a "gull" (girl)...maybe you've even gotten the "beshul" (special) part. Knowing what you know now, how could you not be manipulated into giving the boy what he wants? He's only 2. And, it's obvious my days of snuggling and being his special girl are numbered.
Someday another girl is going to melt when she is called "feet and beshul". Especially when she hears, "Don't go, feetie." That's gonna get her. The same way it does me. And she's gonna stay. Just like I do.
Especially if he uses his Jedi mind trick. I mean his middle name isn't Jedi for nothing.
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