The sweetest manipulator in the world...is a Jedi

Apparently, I am a "feet and beshul gull". And those are words to make me melt.  Sounds silly, I know. Who'd wanna be called "feet"? Or a "gull" for that matter? And what the heck is "beshul"? But, I love it. And I melt...maybe even giggle a little. Because it's so dang "feet"...I mean, "sweet".

Unfortunately, it's coming from the sweetest little manipulator in the world--my lil Jedi. I think he has officially realized the power of language. He knows how to say "pease" with just the right intonation--and simultaneously adds a sweet look--so that he can get what he wants. And now, when I'm helping him do something or snuggling him to sleep, that's when I hear a whole slew of loaded terms designed to help him get his way and tug on my heartstrings.

Is this one of those reasons why they say toddlers are egocentric?

I have decided to illustrate my point this time with a little quiz. See how you do. Good luck. :-)

Read the following scenarios and choose the appropriate answer to the questions that follow:

1. First Scenario:

Jax: Mommy, come play!
Me: Okaaaay...what are we playing?
Jax: Football game, Mommy!
Me: Ok...let's play football. (Which is really just where I toss the ball to him and he tries to "catch" it and then he says "TOUCHDOWN!!")
Jax: You are feet gull, Mommy.  Good gull.
Me: Awwwwww....thank you, Jax! I love you!

What has Jaxon learned from this exchange?

A. Girls love it when you call them "feet"
B. Girls love to play football
C. Girls, especially Mommies, are easily manipulated into future games they don't really want to play
     as long as you compliment and praise them

Clearly, the answer to this question is choice "C". If you need an explanation as to why this is the answer, you must not understand women at all, meaning that you are male. Please use this opportunity to learn so that you will do better for the next question.

2. Second Scenario:

Me: Jax, it's lights out. You have 5 "Mommy Minutes" till you go lay in your bed and Mommy goes out.
Jax: Hmmph. (Which usually means, "Yes, I understand")
Me: (I have given countdown "warnings" and now time is up) Ok, Jax, your "Mommy Minutes" are up. It's time to go lay in your bed and go "night-night".
Jax: I don't want lay in my bed. I want nuh-nuh (snuggle) you.
Me: Jax, you already had your chance. "Mommy Minutes" are up. I love you. Night-night.
Jax: I don't want lay in my bed. I want nuh-nuh you. Don't go feetie (as he strokes my cheek). I still have "Mommy Minutes".
Me: (sigh) Okay. We can snuggle. Two more "Mommy Minutes". I love you, you little momkey!
Jax: You are beshul gull, Mommy.

What has Jaxon learned from this exchange?

A. Girls love it when you call them "beshul" and ask to "nuh-nuh"
B. Girls love to "nuh-nuh" and be called "feetie" while you stroke their cheeks
C. Girls, especially Mommies, are easily manipulated into spending precious extra moments from their
     downtime to snuggle a little extra as long as you compliment and praise them


Once again, as you can clearly see, the answer to this question is choice "C". If you need an explanation as to why this is the answer, you obviously did not learn from your previous mistake. It is clear that you do not understand women at all, meaning that once again, you are male. If you expect to make it in this world full of women, you better start with some praise and compliments!


3. Third Scenario:

Jax: Mommy, come play with meeeeeee!
Me: Jax, I'm eating right now. I'll play in just a minute.
Jax:Mommmmmmeeeeeeee! Come play!
Me: Jax, did you hear my words? I'm eating right now. I'll play in just a minute.
Jax: I listen your words. See?
Me: Ok. I'll play in a minute.
Jax: Mommy, you not eat right now. You want play. You come with me.
Me: Is this some kind of Jedi mind trick?
Jax: You want play. You come with me.
Me: (sigh) Ok. Where are we going? What are we playing?
Jax: You good gull, Mommy.



What has Jaxon learned from this exchange?

A. Jedi mind tricks can work on anyone, anywhere--but especially girls
B. Girls will willingly stop whatever they are doing to play with you if you use the Jedi mind trick
C. Girls, especially Mommies, are easily manipulated into putting aside their need for physical
     sustenance as long as you can use the Jedi mind trick while making sure to compliment and praise 
     them

Unfortunately, this was a trick question. The answer is "all of the above". Although I did not give you the option to choose "all of the above", if you were using your brain you would have figured this out. If you need an explanation as to why this is the answer, you obviously did not learn from your previous mistakes. It is clear that you do not understand women at all, meaning that once again, you are male. I am not sure if there is any hope for you. But I wish you luck.



Ok, Ok, Ok...I know--as far as quizzes go, it was a little biased and wasn't really written that well to actually show what you know. But, I think I've made my point. And, surely you've assumed by now what it means to be "feet" (sweet) and a "gull" (girl)...maybe you've even gotten the "beshul" (special) part. Knowing what you know now, how could you not be manipulated into giving the boy what he wants? He's only 2. And, it's obvious my days of snuggling and being his special girl are numbered.

Someday another girl is going to melt when she is called "feet and beshul". Especially when she hears, "Don't go, feetie." That's gonna get her. The same way it does me. And she's gonna stay. Just like I do.

Especially if he uses his Jedi mind trick. I mean his middle name isn't Jedi for nothing.

Curious George...er, I mean, Jax

Reading aloud from a Curious George book, usually starts off like this: "This is ________. He was a good little ________, and always very ________. "

Jaxon supplies the words, "George," "monkey," and "curious" in the correct spots. Can you tell it's a favorite set of stories for him?

I think Jax really connects with George. I mean, look at all the similarities:

• They're about the same height. 
• They both have a great sense of humor.
• They both make monkey sounds.
• They both love bananas.

It's definitely easy to confuse the two. Luckily for me, I have a Jaxon Jedi and not a Curious George. I think if Jax got into nearly all the trouble George gets into, we'd have some temper tantrums...by me.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's a bad thing to be curious. Curiosity has lead to so many great advances throughout history--remember the lightbulb? Sliced bread? The wheel? Yeah...those were good inventions. 

Questioning our lives, our purpose, our solutions...it's important to our future to keep questioning and learn to really THINK.

 

But lately, Jaxon has begun asking the "Dreaded Why?" questions. I knew it was coming eventually but I don't think I was prepared for it at all. And when it's a constant barrage of "why?" it no longer seems so important and groundbreaking. It seems more....exasperating.

But it all started out so simply...

• (pointing): "Dat?" (translation: "What's that?")
• (pointing): "Whassis?" (translation: "What's this?")
•  (pointing): "Whasinere?" (translation: "What's in there?")

Those were cute ways for Jax to find out more about the world around him. I liked this phase of Jaxon-ness. It was super cute to hear him asking questions because I knew the reason was to learn. And what parent (especially a teacher, at that!) doesn't want her child to be excited about learning and seeking out new knowledge? Then, slowly the cute little mispronunciation became, more clearly, the correct pronunciation. He started asking more and more questions about various things around him and Jaxon's knowledge attainment soared.

But then--then came "WHY?".  

I was ok with "why?" at first because it was followed by other words to make a complete question. For instance: "Mommy, why that go there?" To which I would smile and respond appropriately, satisfied that my child's curiosity had been satiated for that specific instant. His mind, expanded. His vocabulary, improved. His mommy, happy. And life was good.

But "why?" has suddenly (and I mean literally, overnight) morphed into an incessant stream of "why?" that ends in a response akin to the commonly known phrase, "Because I said so." 

It goes a little something like this:

Jax: Mommy, why it have rain on ground?

Me: Because it rained today.
Jax: Why?

Me: Because the clouds had water in them.

Jax: Why?

Me: Ummm, because that's what clouds do.

Jax: Oh...why?

Me: Because that's the way the world works.

Great. It's true. It's finally happened. I have officially turned into my parents. It's true I didn't say, "Because I said so." But I thought it. And I said something else that basically means the same thing. Is there no going back? Is there no hope for me? Can I make it through the next who-knows-how-many-years-of-"why" without losing my mind and saying it?

I don't know.

Why?

I just don't know.

Why?

(sigh)

Because I said so.