How to Wear Star Hores Shoes...

It has to start somewhere, right?

Life...ideas...your morning.

And often, it starts in a pretty good place.
Daddy!  Mommy! I love you!

Too bad it doesn't always end up there.
But I don't wanna:
a) go to school today.
b) get dressed right now.
c) brush my teeth.

The rest of that sentence doesn't matter because the end result will be the same regardless.

Unless I change it.

And truth be told, I am a terrible changer of the end result. I often can't see past the black and white.

This is what time it is. I need you to do this so we can leave... If we don't do this, we will be late...You aren't being helpful...If we don't move faster, we will be late...These are all the things we still need to do...Please be helpful...I don't want to be late. 

In reading the words I just typed, I can see that they can build a sense of anxiety. But it's what goes on in my mind and what often comes out of my mouth as I am trying to get the two of us, el Jedi and myself, ready to leave in the mornings.

Once the "We're Late" switch has gone off, I get a sense of "Oh Shit" and start rushing around. Orders fly from my lips. I'm gathering things and piecing things together with the speed of someone who has been doing this for years upon years. And I expect anyone with me to either move out of the way, or rush along with me.

I forget that it's not as easy for someone who has only been in this world for a mere fraction of the time I have. It can't be easy being 3. Or being my son.

But it's not easy being a mom either. And a mom of a 3 year old who has his own sense of what he wants to do when he wants to do it (regardless of our day's agenda), has a tough time maintaining the calm serenity that I feel like I am supposed to have. I know, that's every kid, right?

I get so tired of dealing with the stubborn-ness and the lack of following directions that I tend to give up in the struggle. I walk away from the confrontation to go do what I need to get done and leave Jax to his own devices. Unfortunately, that doesn't achieve the desired result of getting things done. All it achieves is more whining and crying--usually from the aforementioned preschooler...but sometimes from me, too.

It is definitely not a great way to start off your morning. Especially when it began so nicely.
The thing that sucks is that it feels like these behaviors are worse when it's just Jax and me. He seems to do better for his daddy. And that hurts. I feel like I deserve the same amount of "respect" from my son as he gives his daddy. It's just different between boys and their moms. And sometimes it's not always a good sort of different.

I guess the positive is that I am learning, albeit slowly, to see where the little divergences in our path lie. The places where I can change the outcome to a more positive one. It's not easy for me to see it, but I'm getting better at it.

Case in point?
Jax: Mommy...if I be helpful this morning, can I wear my Star Hores shoes to school?
Me: Ok. But you have to be super helpful. Really, really helpful. So we will put our shoes on last to make sure you remember I need you to be helpful. Ok?
Jax: Sure! I get to wear my Star Hores shoes!

After a few almost standoffs and shutdowns, the power of the "Star Hores" shoes prevailed. I got my help (That's a LOT of helping, Mom.) and he got to wear his shoes.

Like I said. I'm learning.