It's Worth It, Right?

As frustrating as parenting a 14-month-old can be, there are many things that are just so simply amazing and beautiful about it. It truly IS worth it.

So many times before I had Jax, people would say, “Oh, It’s not easy. It’s pretty difficult in fact…(and you ALL know what’s coming next)…but it’s worth it.”

Many times, I found myself involved in my own personal debate in my mind.

--It’s worth it.

--Sure. For THEM.

--Well, it COULD be worth it. It COULD be amazing.

--But who’s to say it’s going to be worth it to ME? How do I know that’s what I will get out of it?

--Well, if that’s what everyone ELSE says…literally everyone else I’ve ever talked to, then surely that’s how it will be for me too, RIGHT?

--Do I want to even DEAL with the ‘difficult’ part’?

Inevitably, after many repetitions of this same internal debate at different times throughout the course of a few years, my answer typically came back as a fairly confident ‘No’. I wasn’t ready to gamble on the possibility that it might actually be ‘worth it’ to me. I mean, who are they to tell me? It’s just their perception.

Ha.

And then something changed. Something clicked. I don’t know what it was. I can’t say it was my ‘clock’. That had started it’s own little countdown at about 25 and had been a very strong message constantly running through both my conscious and subconscious. Pulling me. Lucky for me, it wasn’t meant to be at that time. I don’t think I could have done it. I honestly don’t think I was ready at that point. So, I turned off the clock. I took out the batteries and did my own thing for a few years.

Then I hit 32 and I think I heard an audible click.  Well, really, it was more of a tick. Followed very closely by a tock. The only difference is that this time, I gave in to the whims of Mother Nature.  I listened.

And I have a beautiful boy to show for it.

Now, I can honestly say it’s one of the hardest things I have done in my entire life thus far.

--Man, maybe I haven’t really done anything difficult.

--Hmmm….Maybe not. But I AM responsible for another life. For the successes and failures, both present and in the future. I AM responsible for his health and well-being. For his accumulation of knowledge and dispersal of ignorance.

--True. That IS difficult. But I wouldn’t call it an adversity.

--No, not adversity. I don’t have to be a martyr.  But could I say it’s difficult?

--Yes. Ok. I HAVE done—wait. I AM DOING something difficult.

So, I will now become one of the clichéd…

But, I don’t even need to say it.