Bye Bye, Nap Time

The end is nigh.

The end of naps, I mean. I knew this day was coming, and yet, I am loath to see it go. We fought so hard to make it part of his routine. A regular nap schedule for Jax was very important in the attainment of a certain level of sanity. Not just mine, either.

In Jaxon's mind, he doesn't need naps. But the increasing argumentativeness that is evident as the day wears on tells a different story. This kid still needs naps. And after dealing with the intensity of a Jedi all morning, Mom and Dad usually need a nap too.

It's become such a rare thing that it has officially been re-dubbed "rest time". I'm cool with a rest time, even when he doesn't rest. Because he knows it's a quiet time. And as he gets older, Jax is able to spend more and more time playing on his own. It's just not truly a "rest", because there's this constant interrupting whisper of, "Mom...can I get up now? Is it time yet?" And, "Mom...can I get my Lego's out and play? I'll be quiet..."

He just has such a bad case of FOMO. You know, fear of missing out. I don't know what he thinks he's missing out on. When he should be napping, I'm usually hoping for a nap as well. Or just some quiet time to myself with a book.

Honestly, he is usually pretty quiet for a while. But the rest of the day is sooooo much nicer when he does actually rest.

A day without a nap has more:

• whining
• yelling--by him! No, really...
• arguments
• slammed doors--by me, not him. Just kiddin. He's the door-slammer in this house!

A day without a nap has less:

• cooperation in play time
• willingness to help out
• good times had by all

But a day with a nap? It's a beautiful thing. It's like all is right in the world for that 1.5 hours. And when that little monkey wakes up, he's so sweet and fun for the rest of the evening. Life's grand again in the Kane household. 

I'm not going to force him to continue naps. I'll keep instituting a quiet "rest time", at least for a while. Eventually, I know that will have to go as well. Today is one of the rare occasions in the last few months where he actually climbed into his bed and fell asleep. I'm loving this quiet solitude. And for now, I'm going to revel in it for as long as I can. 

troubles in La-La Land....

poor lil baby Jax. he is NOT a fan of sleeping...or at least not of FALLING asleep. but his mommy and daddy sure are! it is at this time in his life that we are working with a sleep schedule and a bedtime routine. but damn is it unpleasant!

i feel like i'm doing something wrong because it takes anywhere from 1-3+ hours to get the guy "officially" asleep for the night. that seems abnormal. and when he finally does sleep, it's after much soothing on our parts and it seems he's just crashing b/c he's so tired. and then the whole next day he's just off.

we start sometime b/t 5 and 5:30 with a bath/lotion, stories (sometimes) and nursing. then it's rocking in the glider, patting him on the back and the constant "shhhh-shhhh-shhhh". gradually he falls asleep after much twitching and "groaning" (although it is soooo cute!). i continue to pat the back and rock, but take out the "shhh" and pat lighter and lighter until all i'm doing is rocking. just when i think we're good to go, he turns his face back and forth on my shoulder, whimpers and starts his fussing again.

back to the soothing routine of "rock, pat, shhhh....rock, pat shhhh" over and over again. back to sleep he goes, with some protesting along the way. once again i get him to a point where it seems safe and i slowly get up from the glider and make my way to the crib. if i'm lucky, i can get him into the crib and sneak away to eat dinner. oftentimes i'm not lucky and the minute i begin to put him into the crib, or once i've got him in the crib, he starts to cry and wakes up.

soothe.
soothe.
soothe.

try again. this time will i eat my dinner? will i get to spend time with my baby daddy? should i start on the costume or choreography i need to get to? what about that book i have to read for school? maybe i should just go to sleep.

soothe.
soothe.
soothe.

sometimes it repeats over and over again for a few hours until i just give up and take him into the bed with me and we both go to sleep.
sometimes he goes to sleep and wakes up 30 minutes later, then i soothe him back to sleep.

this can't be normal...or can it?

now, i have to say, once he's down, he's out for a few hours...4 if we're lucky. then he's in the bed with me, waking about every 2 hours or so. sometimes to nurse, others because of some other reason--

he's hot...
he want's to stretch out...
he wants to snuggle...
he's wet...
he's gassy...

there are so many variables when it comes to the continuity of his sleep--and mine.

i get so annoyed when i have to keep soothing him over and over again just to get him to go to sleep. i want him to have healthy sleep habits, but i feel like it's such a struggle and i get so frustrated with it...with him. i want to have the opportunity to do what i want to do. i want to feel some freedom, not like i'm tied down and imprisoned in the nursery, destined to spend eternity in the glider while the rest of the world moves on without me. and then i get angry with myself for getting upset with him and for feeling so selfish. he's a baby for crying out loud---what does he know? this is how he is...he can't help it. we are his whole world right now.

and then i think i need to just accept it for what it is and learn to work with it. deal with it. he'll only be in this stage for a short period of time. he WANTS to snuggle with me and sleep on my chest. he won't want to do that in a short time. before i know it, he'll be off on his own--married, a child of his own, forgetting to call his mother.

geez, i'm getting ahead of myself. but it does help, in some ways to think of the impending future. it allows me to see the other side of this struggle and to appreciate the good parts of it. to see it for the positive.

and i just can't help it--i love, love, love that little boy snuggled up in the crook of my neck, breathing in my scent, grabbing hold of my shirt, drooling on my shoulder....and i don't want him to grow up too fast.

so, i'll deal with the struggle for sleep, knowing that in no time at all, he'll be sleeping the days away and i'll be fighting to get him up in the morning.