some biting remarks...

Teeth. You brush them. You bare them. You show them off. You chomp and grind and grit them. You pulverize food into an unrecognizable pulp with them, just so you can fill your belly.

You use them to hold things, to open things…and yes, to bite. Most of the biting most of us do as adults, is directly related to eating or accidents. You know, you accidentally bite your tongue, your lip, the inside of your cheek.

But we’ve had our teeth for years and we’re used to them. They’re part of us. We know how to keep them clean—even if we don’t do a good job of it. For many of us, the pain of getting teeth is so far removed from our memories it’s difficult to understand what our children go through.

So, in an effort to help us understand what they are dealing with, they’ve taken to biting us. That’s right. We are under attack. From our babies.

I’ll give you an example. Jaxon is almost a year old. He officially has 3 make that 4 teeth. These are fairly new pieces of “technology” to him and he is rapidly learning how best to use them through much trial and error…mainly on my arm. What started off as slobbery, open-mouthed kisses on my arm or leg have officially turned into full-on oral assaults to my epidermis.

And I have the whelps and bruises to prove it.

The worst part is, when I tell him no, he gives a slight giggle. Like he thinks it’s funny. Great.

Oh, I know. He thinks he’s winning. But I will not be ground to a powdery dust by the technological advances of my 11 month old.

It’s two things, really. First of all, they’re new and he wants to see what they can do. I mean, it’s human nature. You get new clothes, you wanna show them off. You learn some new information, you wanna use it. Secondly, it hurts. Not only are there permanent (well, semi-permanent) foreign objects in his mouth that didn’t used to be there, but they bring with them a world of pain. How is a soon-to-be-toddler supposed to ignore that?

Back in the day, I would’ve been told to rub some whiskey on his gums. That’ll do the trick. And probably turn him into an alcoholic…just kidding. Now we would consider that a definite wrong thing to do. So instead, we give them cold, malleable things to chew on. We give them toys and try to keep them distracted. We give them homeopathic remedies and man-made medicines. All in an effort to help them through this phase in their life, hopefully giving them some relief and rest. And hopefully us, too.

So our goal is to get through it, sanity intact and free of lacerations and combat wounds. Their goal is to enter the world of the non-pureed, mashed-to-a-paste omnivore. It seems their goal is much more easily attainable than ours. Could it be that we are destined to be on the losing team? The universe can’t be that fiendish. Could it?

We start off as rebellious little arm-biters, gnawing on everything in sight. But slowly, through the years we become complacent. We have assembly-line education keeping us coloring inside the lines, societal norms and regulations streaming into our brains via technology, and the pressures of becoming a “success” in a world full of adults who’ve forgotten what it’s like to be a kid. And we suddenly find ourselves on the front lines. But on the other side.  Ironic, isn’t it? Maybe the universe is brutal, cold, and calculating. Or maybe it’s just the cycle of life.

still nursing? why,yes...yes, i am...

funny thing about this post...i actually started to write it 3 months ago. but i only got as far as the title.
gee, i must've been real dedicated to it. nope. i guess it just wasn't meant to be written at that time.

so here we are now, 3 months later and Jax is officially an 11 month ol--what??? did i just say 11 MONTHS?!?!? yep. that's right. he is. hard to believe, i know. but it's true.

so, he's 11 months old, and yes, we are still nursing. the boy eats solid food ~ 4 times a day. he has 2 teeth and i think he's working on a 3rd. but yes, we are still nursing. much to the surprise of some of those around us. 

before Jaxon was born, i had a goal in mind of nursing till he was a year, because i had been told that was what was best, and i AM the good little girl who *usually* follows the rules and advice like this. but with all the troubles we had in the beginning, i thought nursing was something that just wasn't going to happen.

then i went through a phase where i hated that i was doing it and wished i had just gone the "easier" route and done formula, because then ANYone (read: baby daddy) could get up with Jax the multiple times in one night to feed him. and this sentiment would trade off with one where i felt proud to be nursing my Jax because i knew that's what's best for him.  and i decided i was going to make it to 6 months and see what happened. 6 months...i could do that.

i vascillated between these two mindsets constantly and have been over the last few months. and it's because Jax is a mover. he doesn't sit still often, and that doesn't change when he nurses. sometimes i call it "violent", but i'm not sure if that's the right word for it. maybe "vigorous" is a better term. it's not like you can just fall asleep while he nurses. not a chance. i have had to bounce or rock him sometimes. other times i've had to hold his hand because he's hitting or scratching me or pulling on my shirt. and other times, he's pushing his feet up against the chair and making us both move. sometimes, it's ALL of these things...and that just makes it unpleasant for me.  it makes me feel trapped.

it was during one of these moments of indecisiveness that i realized that i HAD to continue to nurse him unless he WAS going to be a formula baby. i don't know, it felt like some sort of epiphany. if i stopped at 9 months, he had to switch to formula--which i didn't see him doing easily. so, it's like i no longer had an option. and once again, i felt trapped. and, to be clear, formula is not something i wanted to do. it's not that i thought it was "wrong" or like i was trying to be "snooty". it's just not something we, as parents, wanted for Jax. we wanted to give him what we considered the best possible start in life. and to us, that meant nursing.

but the best possible start in life at the expense of a mother who feels trapped? does that lead to resentment? yes. irritability? yes. fatigue? yes. all of these. and so much more that you probably can't even put in words.

but i kept at it. and, amazingly, i am still going. it's like now i can see the finish line. and if i've made it this far, why not keep on keepin on? he's healthy. we've definitely bonded. i look down at him and he looks up at me and it makes me cry. it's such a strong emotional bond between the two of us. he's totally and completely in love with me. and i am with him as well.

even though there's been this constant back and forth, i think if i had to do it all over again, i would still nurse. i would still set my goal for a year. it's possible i would still go back and forth on how i feel about the whole thing, but i would still do it. it's what's best, right?

**remind me i said this if i ever have another child. it would have to be easier the second time around, right?

tszee! da? tah. awesome, kid! ...but where's "Ma-Ma"?

Jaxon is not a man of few words. in fact, i believe at some point he is going to have so much to say there isn't going to be time enough in the day to get it all out. the kid loves to talk...what can i say? look at who his mother is.

i love to hear all his babbling, because, like any good parent, i can make sense out of a lot of it...or at least pretend to. or maybe i just delude myself into believing it all actually means what i think it means. either way, it's pretty freaking cool.

as previously mentioned in a past post, he says the name of our cat, Cheetara. well, he actually calls her "Chee"...though in truth, whereas before it was kind of a very breathy "Khee", now it sounds more like "Tszee". the minute he sees her, he gets super excited, reaches towards her (no matter how far away she is) and says, "Tszee!!" that's pretty awesome. the fact that he learned her name so early and has continually been refining the sound that he uses for her name. guess he's gonna be an animal-lover. that makes me happy.

recently, he has starting pointing to things and saying, "Da?" (it's a very short 'a' sound)...didn't take long for us to figure out he was asking, "What's that?" how amazing and cute is that?!?

so of course, we humor him and tell him the names of things. it's like he has figured out that everything has a name and he wants to call them their correct names--at least as correct as he can get it. it cracks me up (and in some ways slightly annoys me because of the constant repetition...sad, but true). he just wants to learn and i think that's a great skill to have in this world. curiosity. way to go, my boy. way to go.

one of the recent additions to his vocabulary is the word, "tah".  isn't that awesome?!?! not sure what it's supposed to mean?

here's how the acquisition of this new word happened---or at least a similar re-enactment:

 Jax: (pointing to the fan) Da?
Daddy: fan. fan.
Jax: Fa (he tends to leave off the 'n')
Daddy: good! that's the fan!
Jax (pointing to a metal star hanging from the ceiling) da?
Daddy: star. that's a star.
Jax: Tah.
Daddy: (slightly incredulously...and pretty damn proud, i would think) yes...that's right! it's a star!

now, i know, i know...this could easily have been a fluke. but i showed him some other stars we had around our house, told him they were stars, and there was that word, "Tah" again. and now, you can ask him where the star is and he will look at it and continues to use the word. awesome. my baby is freakin cool.  i am so happy that he is learning all of these cool words and that he wants to learn them.

and yes, i repeat things to him over and over again to get him to hear the sounds and make his own attempt at them. you know, like: "Ma-Ma. Ma-Ma. Ma-Ma. Ma-Ma. Ma-Ma. Ma-Ma." over and over again. but, alas...unless he's in his crib screaming and crying for me to come in there and pick him up, i do NOT hear Ma-Ma.or even a really close approximation of it. and that makes me kinda sad. i mean he says the cat's name...what about me?

this is how it usually goes:

me: Ma-Ma. Ma-Ma.
Jax: Da-Da!
me: no, silly... Ma-Ma. Ma-Ma.
Jax:  Da-Da-Da-Dee!
(well, at least he's got the number of syllables right...right?)
me: Ma-Ma. Ma-Ma. that's MY name. i'm not Da-Da.
Jax: Da-Da-Da-Dee!! (as he giggles and acts all cute and flirty)

so, of course, after this exchange multiple times, i'm thinking this kid is playin me. he KNOWS who "Da-Da" is and he knows who "Ma-Ma" is... if you ask him, "Where's Mommy?" he looks around until he sees me and then he gets all excited. when he hears the jingling of his daddy's keys, he looks around and says "Da-Da-Da-Dee!" or something similar. so it's not like he doesn't know. he does. he just doesn't say it. even when his daddy points to me and says, "Who's that?" Jax will either smile, turn and bury his head into his daddy's shoulder, or he'll look at something else and call that by it's name. ugh. maybe he just can't say it yet?

really, though? i have heard and seen him make the 'm' sound...so i know the capability is there. he's trying all sorts of other, more difficult sounds. but not my name. this is me when he says the name of something or someone else instead of mine: sadface.

i know it'll come. but it might be after he finally gets Chee's name right. or maybe after he says "TV"--yeah, how much would that suck? but it'll come. eventually. and then, i'm going to hear it for ev-er-y-thing. and it's gonna be yelled at me, whined to me, cried to me, and exclaimed to me. and then, i'm going to have to remind myself of how much i wanted to hear it back when he was 10 months old. 

and i'm going to love it.

It's "amole"!

el Jedi (one of the slew of nicknames we call our lil man) is becoming quite the connoisseur of solid foods these days. and with that comes a serving of finicky with a side of attitude.

how is a new mom to make sure her bouncing baby boy gets the right nutrients he needs when he outright refuses to eat certain foods? it's called a little creativity in the kitchen (though i'm sure some would call it trickery or the like).

first, you gotta to know what the man likes. what would that be,  you ask? bananas, sweet potato, and avocado.  all good stuff in my book. and how do i know he prefers these? well, it could be the fact that at 9 1/2 months old he outright asks for banana ("nananana!")--cute, i know. and when he eats the others he makes the "mmmm-mmmm" sound as he eats. oh, and he bangs on the tray for more.

second, you've gotta figure out what he doesn't like--that's not hard to tell at all...just wait for the nose wrinkle of disgust...and then the food so lovingly prepared and delicately spooned into his mouth will come sliding back out and down the chin onto the bib. lovely. 

third, you've gotta try to figure out what combinations of "yummy", acceptable food will work to hide the "yucky" completely detestable food. oh...and you've gotta be willing to try it yourself. just in case.

the only problem is that the intolerable food list far outweighs the acceptable food list. and, out of the 3 yummy foods, there's really only one that seems to be great as a "hide-all" mix-in.  that's avocado. i mean, am i wrong or does the idea of banana and broccoli just sound too appalling? guacamole to the rescue. well, really just the avocado.

• 1st up to the plate was broccoli. it definitely did NOT pass the Jax test. honestly, my first thought was, "Great. I made all that broccoli. What the hell am I going to do with it now? There's no way I'm eating pureed broccoli!" (don't you love the irony, here?)
• introducing broccomole! he eats it every time. well, most times. as long as the taste of broccoli is appropriately masked by the avocado. i'd say the mixture's about 1/2 and 1/2.  

• 2nd up to bat, carrot. i was really hoping the little bug would like carrot. i mean, i LOVE carrot. seriously. it's one of my all time favs (i know--it's a vegetable, not a song or a band or anything). but, alas...it was not meant to be.
• carrotamole... i'm still not sold on the name, though.  this one was a little tougher to get past the lil man. i honestly can't see that the taste of carrot is stronger than that of broccoli. i really think the problem was the texture. so this one had to be mixed REALLY well. in fact, it seems it would better just to puree the two together than to mix it in later. it's still about 1/2 carrot and 1/2 avocado--though sometimes it's more like 3/4 avocado. what can i say? he's become a bit picky lately.

• 3rd, zucchini. i had already figured out the summer squash was not to the Jedi's taste and had mixed that in with sweet potato to much success. but i didn't think zucchini would work the same way. maybe it was the coloring. i don't know. 
• zucchinamole was born. it's definitely not his favorite, and i use it pretty sparingly. i'm lucky if i can get him to eat the whole serving. but, that's more than he ate when it was just zucchini.

• 4th, kale. oh kale, you are a tricky one...even for me. i find the taste of raw kale to be very bitter. and the taste of cooked kale? well, it's still a little bitter (all greens are, really...to me at least) but it's not as bad. of course, i like mine with a little soy sauce, onions, garlic and maybe some red pepper and sesame seeds. hey, they're good for you, right? but Jax can't eat all that stuff yet, so he gets his plain.
• kaleamole.  it's 1/2 and 1/2 on this one too. i honestly didn't even start with the kale plain and by itself. i just knew i was gonna have to "amole" it up. he seems to kinda dig this mixture. i tried it myself and i kind of like it to. might have to start eating my own kale this way. maybe.

• 5th? i'm not sure yet. we tried beets today. from the moment it hit his tongue, i knew they were a resounding "No". it was the trifecta. i got the infamous nose wrinkle and he gagged. and then it came dribbling down the chin. great. somehow, though i just don't think "beetamole" is going to become my next culinary creation.  maybe sweet beets or beet potato. or beetanana?

i don't know. i'll get back to you.

newest developments in the life of a Jedi

8 months and counting. the boy continues to grow and learn. it's amazing how much he has changed in his short life span. i look back at pictures taken over the course of these last 8 months and it's mind-boggling. it truly is.

• as previously mentioned, he gives kisses these days. and they are super sweet! sometimes they're slobbery, but often, they are not and just the sweetest thing in the world.
• he's on the move! Jaxon is now crawling--although it's more of an army crawl. he is fast and constantly moving!
• pulling himself up. he uses all kinds of things to pull up and stand:
• his exersaucer
• Mommy or Daddy (or anyone else who's around)
• the wobbly ol' coffee table
• anything he can "climb" on that will enable him to stand

•  the "fussy" voice. he definitely lets you know when he doesn't like something--VERY LOUDLY. it's like he's yelling "HEY!"at you. and the face he makes with it is freaking hilarious! it's like he is making his voice as deep as he can, but since he's only a baby, it just ends up sounding cute.
• finger foods
• for a while we've been trying to let him use his fingers to grab food and feed himself. he's getting pretty good at it too, although kiwi can be troublesome at times.
• he gets around the difficulties with the slippery foods by either:
• scooting it to the edge of the tray, putting his mouth right there and pushing it into his mouth. very ingenious!
• grabbing it as best as he can with one hand and using the other hand to help hold it in place on the way to his mouth. smart baby!
• "talking"
• Jax is definitely a conversationalist. he is always babbling away. he has certain sounds he makes for certain things. examples:
• "khee"--referring to our cat, Chee. it's a very "breathy" sound. and he looks for her, "points" to her, smiles and says "khee". awesome. where's the "ma-ma" and "da-da"?
• "bah"--referring to food or a bottle or nursing. 
• "d-d-d-d-d-"--anytime he's happily playing he uses this sound over and over again. 
• "ma! ma!"--when he's upset, he yells/cries this. definitely sounds like he's calling to me. 
• and he did, the other day, pat Josh on the chest and say "da-da". awesome!

~TIME~

TIME
slipping...
running...
fading...
ticking...
AWAY.


A drop in the bucket.
eons… AND… eons…

you grow up… and apart

things that were unattainable two weeks ago are suddenly within your reach—
if…
you…
can…
just…
GET there. (SUCCESS!)

Waiting for you to do… so much.
I can’t wait—but I can’t freeze the time either.
(time stops for no… mother)

Older (and wiser?)
Older
Older, I get
You get…older, too
Right now we are the center of each others’ worlds… but as time runs out…

Where will you run?

the old people were right....

c'est la vie, say the old folks...

and dangit they're right. time flies when you're:
sleep-deprived.
working full time.
engrossed in trying to be super mommy.
and...
in love.

i have 2 of the most wonderful men on the planet. and i love both of them to death. it's amazing how crazy things have become. how difficult this whole "parenting thing" is. and how much i love it. i miss so much about how our lives used to be, but i am soooo in love with my little family unit. "El Jedi" is so amazing. he hasn't been an "easy" child from the get-go. in fact, i would categorize him as a "high-needs child" (there's a book...trust me on this). but he has such PERSONALITY. really he does.

case in point:

1) he loves social settings.

we took him to Eeyore's Birthday (a free freakfest in the park here in the ATX). Eeyore's is a tradition--we go every year. i dress up every year (as does everyone else). there's much fun to be had by all...and lots of it is just because you're people watching. well, Jax fits right in.
the entire day before we actually got there, he was "Mr. Fussy". nothing was making him happy. we put him in the car and he talks the whole way there. it was as if he knew he was about to experience a good ol' hippie time! walking into the park, he was just looking around at everyone and every thing, babbling to himself. we set up a blanket and he played and talked and giggled...watching people.
i think he was most amazed with the people who were hooping. i mean don't we all just watch hoopers anyway?

then we took him to see a free Bob Schneider show. he was jumping (well, with some mommy and daddy help), dancing and singing. just hammin it up. and once again, he was into watching the people. making eye contact with people that walked by...especially the ladies. my boy LOVES the ladies! and i think he likes music, too.

i love seeing my lil guy enjoying social settings like these. it makes me feel good about the way things are going to turn out. making me feel like i CAN continue to do the things i love and include him in them.




one of the things i have missed the most since Jax has been around is the music. i miss seeing shows and dancing. obviously, i won't be taking him to any late night shows any time soon, but i feel like if i can find the right daytime events, he's gonna have a great time...we all will.

2)

he is proud of his successes. it is sooo cute. he's been able to stand (with help, of course) for quite a while now. lately he's begun holding out his hands to grab mine or Daddy's and he pulls himself up to standing. when he does it, he makes himself as tall as he can and looks around and smiles as if to say, "Look what I did!" and then he does a little baby dance. cute!

3)

he has recently begun giving kisses. it really started about 2 months ago. he would put his open mouth onto someone's cheek and just look at them. that was his kiss. pretty slobbery, but very sweet and cute. then, just this last week, he started leaning in to kiss me. his mouth closed, he would look at my mouth and lean in towards it, plant his lips onto mine, then pull away. he would repeat this 5 or 6 times and smile.
like i said, i'm in love.
then, just yesterday, when we looked in the mirror to say "hi" to our reflections, he leaned in and kissed himself. my baby is narcissistic. but at least he's got some major personality!!

I LOVE MY JAXON!