tszee! da? tah. awesome, kid! ...but where's "Ma-Ma"?

Jaxon is not a man of few words. in fact, i believe at some point he is going to have so much to say there isn't going to be time enough in the day to get it all out. the kid loves to talk...what can i say? look at who his mother is.

i love to hear all his babbling, because, like any good parent, i can make sense out of a lot of it...or at least pretend to. or maybe i just delude myself into believing it all actually means what i think it means. either way, it's pretty freaking cool.

as previously mentioned in a past post, he says the name of our cat, Cheetara. well, he actually calls her "Chee"...though in truth, whereas before it was kind of a very breathy "Khee", now it sounds more like "Tszee". the minute he sees her, he gets super excited, reaches towards her (no matter how far away she is) and says, "Tszee!!" that's pretty awesome. the fact that he learned her name so early and has continually been refining the sound that he uses for her name. guess he's gonna be an animal-lover. that makes me happy.

recently, he has starting pointing to things and saying, "Da?" (it's a very short 'a' sound)...didn't take long for us to figure out he was asking, "What's that?" how amazing and cute is that?!?

so of course, we humor him and tell him the names of things. it's like he has figured out that everything has a name and he wants to call them their correct names--at least as correct as he can get it. it cracks me up (and in some ways slightly annoys me because of the constant repetition...sad, but true). he just wants to learn and i think that's a great skill to have in this world. curiosity. way to go, my boy. way to go.

one of the recent additions to his vocabulary is the word, "tah".  isn't that awesome?!?! not sure what it's supposed to mean?

here's how the acquisition of this new word happened---or at least a similar re-enactment:

 Jax: (pointing to the fan) Da?
Daddy: fan. fan.
Jax: Fa (he tends to leave off the 'n')
Daddy: good! that's the fan!
Jax (pointing to a metal star hanging from the ceiling) da?
Daddy: star. that's a star.
Jax: Tah.
Daddy: (slightly incredulously...and pretty damn proud, i would think) yes...that's right! it's a star!

now, i know, i know...this could easily have been a fluke. but i showed him some other stars we had around our house, told him they were stars, and there was that word, "Tah" again. and now, you can ask him where the star is and he will look at it and continues to use the word. awesome. my baby is freakin cool.  i am so happy that he is learning all of these cool words and that he wants to learn them.

and yes, i repeat things to him over and over again to get him to hear the sounds and make his own attempt at them. you know, like: "Ma-Ma. Ma-Ma. Ma-Ma. Ma-Ma. Ma-Ma. Ma-Ma." over and over again. but, alas...unless he's in his crib screaming and crying for me to come in there and pick him up, i do NOT hear Ma-Ma.or even a really close approximation of it. and that makes me kinda sad. i mean he says the cat's name...what about me?

this is how it usually goes:

me: Ma-Ma. Ma-Ma.
Jax: Da-Da!
me: no, silly... Ma-Ma. Ma-Ma.
Jax:  Da-Da-Da-Dee!
(well, at least he's got the number of syllables right...right?)
me: Ma-Ma. Ma-Ma. that's MY name. i'm not Da-Da.
Jax: Da-Da-Da-Dee!! (as he giggles and acts all cute and flirty)

so, of course, after this exchange multiple times, i'm thinking this kid is playin me. he KNOWS who "Da-Da" is and he knows who "Ma-Ma" is... if you ask him, "Where's Mommy?" he looks around until he sees me and then he gets all excited. when he hears the jingling of his daddy's keys, he looks around and says "Da-Da-Da-Dee!" or something similar. so it's not like he doesn't know. he does. he just doesn't say it. even when his daddy points to me and says, "Who's that?" Jax will either smile, turn and bury his head into his daddy's shoulder, or he'll look at something else and call that by it's name. ugh. maybe he just can't say it yet?

really, though? i have heard and seen him make the 'm' sound...so i know the capability is there. he's trying all sorts of other, more difficult sounds. but not my name. this is me when he says the name of something or someone else instead of mine: sadface.

i know it'll come. but it might be after he finally gets Chee's name right. or maybe after he says "TV"--yeah, how much would that suck? but it'll come. eventually. and then, i'm going to hear it for ev-er-y-thing. and it's gonna be yelled at me, whined to me, cried to me, and exclaimed to me. and then, i'm going to have to remind myself of how much i wanted to hear it back when he was 10 months old. 

and i'm going to love it.

It's "amole"!

el Jedi (one of the slew of nicknames we call our lil man) is becoming quite the connoisseur of solid foods these days. and with that comes a serving of finicky with a side of attitude.

how is a new mom to make sure her bouncing baby boy gets the right nutrients he needs when he outright refuses to eat certain foods? it's called a little creativity in the kitchen (though i'm sure some would call it trickery or the like).

first, you gotta to know what the man likes. what would that be,  you ask? bananas, sweet potato, and avocado.  all good stuff in my book. and how do i know he prefers these? well, it could be the fact that at 9 1/2 months old he outright asks for banana ("nananana!")--cute, i know. and when he eats the others he makes the "mmmm-mmmm" sound as he eats. oh, and he bangs on the tray for more.

second, you've gotta figure out what he doesn't like--that's not hard to tell at all...just wait for the nose wrinkle of disgust...and then the food so lovingly prepared and delicately spooned into his mouth will come sliding back out and down the chin onto the bib. lovely. 

third, you've gotta try to figure out what combinations of "yummy", acceptable food will work to hide the "yucky" completely detestable food. oh...and you've gotta be willing to try it yourself. just in case.

the only problem is that the intolerable food list far outweighs the acceptable food list. and, out of the 3 yummy foods, there's really only one that seems to be great as a "hide-all" mix-in.  that's avocado. i mean, am i wrong or does the idea of banana and broccoli just sound too appalling? guacamole to the rescue. well, really just the avocado.

• 1st up to the plate was broccoli. it definitely did NOT pass the Jax test. honestly, my first thought was, "Great. I made all that broccoli. What the hell am I going to do with it now? There's no way I'm eating pureed broccoli!" (don't you love the irony, here?)
• introducing broccomole! he eats it every time. well, most times. as long as the taste of broccoli is appropriately masked by the avocado. i'd say the mixture's about 1/2 and 1/2.  

• 2nd up to bat, carrot. i was really hoping the little bug would like carrot. i mean, i LOVE carrot. seriously. it's one of my all time favs (i know--it's a vegetable, not a song or a band or anything). but, alas...it was not meant to be.
• carrotamole... i'm still not sold on the name, though.  this one was a little tougher to get past the lil man. i honestly can't see that the taste of carrot is stronger than that of broccoli. i really think the problem was the texture. so this one had to be mixed REALLY well. in fact, it seems it would better just to puree the two together than to mix it in later. it's still about 1/2 carrot and 1/2 avocado--though sometimes it's more like 3/4 avocado. what can i say? he's become a bit picky lately.

• 3rd, zucchini. i had already figured out the summer squash was not to the Jedi's taste and had mixed that in with sweet potato to much success. but i didn't think zucchini would work the same way. maybe it was the coloring. i don't know. 
• zucchinamole was born. it's definitely not his favorite, and i use it pretty sparingly. i'm lucky if i can get him to eat the whole serving. but, that's more than he ate when it was just zucchini.

• 4th, kale. oh kale, you are a tricky one...even for me. i find the taste of raw kale to be very bitter. and the taste of cooked kale? well, it's still a little bitter (all greens are, really...to me at least) but it's not as bad. of course, i like mine with a little soy sauce, onions, garlic and maybe some red pepper and sesame seeds. hey, they're good for you, right? but Jax can't eat all that stuff yet, so he gets his plain.
• kaleamole.  it's 1/2 and 1/2 on this one too. i honestly didn't even start with the kale plain and by itself. i just knew i was gonna have to "amole" it up. he seems to kinda dig this mixture. i tried it myself and i kind of like it to. might have to start eating my own kale this way. maybe.

• 5th? i'm not sure yet. we tried beets today. from the moment it hit his tongue, i knew they were a resounding "No". it was the trifecta. i got the infamous nose wrinkle and he gagged. and then it came dribbling down the chin. great. somehow, though i just don't think "beetamole" is going to become my next culinary creation.  maybe sweet beets or beet potato. or beetanana?

i don't know. i'll get back to you.

newest developments in the life of a Jedi

8 months and counting. the boy continues to grow and learn. it's amazing how much he has changed in his short life span. i look back at pictures taken over the course of these last 8 months and it's mind-boggling. it truly is.

• as previously mentioned, he gives kisses these days. and they are super sweet! sometimes they're slobbery, but often, they are not and just the sweetest thing in the world.
• he's on the move! Jaxon is now crawling--although it's more of an army crawl. he is fast and constantly moving!
• pulling himself up. he uses all kinds of things to pull up and stand:
• his exersaucer
• Mommy or Daddy (or anyone else who's around)
• the wobbly ol' coffee table
• anything he can "climb" on that will enable him to stand

•  the "fussy" voice. he definitely lets you know when he doesn't like something--VERY LOUDLY. it's like he's yelling "HEY!"at you. and the face he makes with it is freaking hilarious! it's like he is making his voice as deep as he can, but since he's only a baby, it just ends up sounding cute.
• finger foods
• for a while we've been trying to let him use his fingers to grab food and feed himself. he's getting pretty good at it too, although kiwi can be troublesome at times.
• he gets around the difficulties with the slippery foods by either:
• scooting it to the edge of the tray, putting his mouth right there and pushing it into his mouth. very ingenious!
• grabbing it as best as he can with one hand and using the other hand to help hold it in place on the way to his mouth. smart baby!
• "talking"
• Jax is definitely a conversationalist. he is always babbling away. he has certain sounds he makes for certain things. examples:
• "khee"--referring to our cat, Chee. it's a very "breathy" sound. and he looks for her, "points" to her, smiles and says "khee". awesome. where's the "ma-ma" and "da-da"?
• "bah"--referring to food or a bottle or nursing. 
• "d-d-d-d-d-"--anytime he's happily playing he uses this sound over and over again. 
• "ma! ma!"--when he's upset, he yells/cries this. definitely sounds like he's calling to me. 
• and he did, the other day, pat Josh on the chest and say "da-da". awesome!

~TIME~

TIME
slipping...
running...
fading...
ticking...
AWAY.


A drop in the bucket.
eons… AND… eons…

you grow up… and apart

things that were unattainable two weeks ago are suddenly within your reach—
if…
you…
can…
just…
GET there. (SUCCESS!)

Waiting for you to do… so much.
I can’t wait—but I can’t freeze the time either.
(time stops for no… mother)

Older (and wiser?)
Older
Older, I get
You get…older, too
Right now we are the center of each others’ worlds… but as time runs out…

Where will you run?

the old people were right....

c'est la vie, say the old folks...

and dangit they're right. time flies when you're:
sleep-deprived.
working full time.
engrossed in trying to be super mommy.
and...
in love.

i have 2 of the most wonderful men on the planet. and i love both of them to death. it's amazing how crazy things have become. how difficult this whole "parenting thing" is. and how much i love it. i miss so much about how our lives used to be, but i am soooo in love with my little family unit. "El Jedi" is so amazing. he hasn't been an "easy" child from the get-go. in fact, i would categorize him as a "high-needs child" (there's a book...trust me on this). but he has such PERSONALITY. really he does.

case in point:

1) he loves social settings.

we took him to Eeyore's Birthday (a free freakfest in the park here in the ATX). Eeyore's is a tradition--we go every year. i dress up every year (as does everyone else). there's much fun to be had by all...and lots of it is just because you're people watching. well, Jax fits right in.
the entire day before we actually got there, he was "Mr. Fussy". nothing was making him happy. we put him in the car and he talks the whole way there. it was as if he knew he was about to experience a good ol' hippie time! walking into the park, he was just looking around at everyone and every thing, babbling to himself. we set up a blanket and he played and talked and giggled...watching people.
i think he was most amazed with the people who were hooping. i mean don't we all just watch hoopers anyway?

then we took him to see a free Bob Schneider show. he was jumping (well, with some mommy and daddy help), dancing and singing. just hammin it up. and once again, he was into watching the people. making eye contact with people that walked by...especially the ladies. my boy LOVES the ladies! and i think he likes music, too.

i love seeing my lil guy enjoying social settings like these. it makes me feel good about the way things are going to turn out. making me feel like i CAN continue to do the things i love and include him in them.




one of the things i have missed the most since Jax has been around is the music. i miss seeing shows and dancing. obviously, i won't be taking him to any late night shows any time soon, but i feel like if i can find the right daytime events, he's gonna have a great time...we all will.

2)

he is proud of his successes. it is sooo cute. he's been able to stand (with help, of course) for quite a while now. lately he's begun holding out his hands to grab mine or Daddy's and he pulls himself up to standing. when he does it, he makes himself as tall as he can and looks around and smiles as if to say, "Look what I did!" and then he does a little baby dance. cute!

3)

he has recently begun giving kisses. it really started about 2 months ago. he would put his open mouth onto someone's cheek and just look at them. that was his kiss. pretty slobbery, but very sweet and cute. then, just this last week, he started leaning in to kiss me. his mouth closed, he would look at my mouth and lean in towards it, plant his lips onto mine, then pull away. he would repeat this 5 or 6 times and smile.
like i said, i'm in love.
then, just yesterday, when we looked in the mirror to say "hi" to our reflections, he leaned in and kissed himself. my baby is narcissistic. but at least he's got some major personality!!

I LOVE MY JAXON!

6 months...where does the time go?

it doesn't seem like it was that long ago that my Jax was a baby in the belly. and now he's a little over 6 months.
so much has happened in the little lifespan of his. it's hard to believe we've come this far...
and lived to tell about it! haha

all the developmental "milestones" (as they say) are just amazing--each and every time he does something new, my heart smiles. and his happy squeal is one of the best sounds in the whole world.

as different as my life is these days, and as much as i miss things about the times before, i am SOOO immensely glad i have a little Jedi in my life. true--very little of what we have experienced with him has been easy. he is truly a "high-needs" baby. (those of you that say they all are, read up on it...my baby is the DEFINITION of it!) but he is an amazing gift for both Josh and me. he is the most important thing in the world to us both and i can't imagine not having him.
i love my Jax and i know he loves me too.

guilt

growing up, you think you understand guilt.
there are things you do that you know you shouldn't
you tell a lie to save yourself a few times
you forget to do your chores or your homework
you disappoint your parents
you feel guilt.

you get a little older and you feel guilt and think you understand it a bit more--but this time, it's not because of an interaction with others, it's from not meeting your own expectations.
guilt for drinking too much and acting a fool
guilt for eating what you know you shouldn't
guilt for not working out like you had planned to do
you feel guilt.

but, you never truly understand guilt until you are a parent. now, i couldn't have said this, or understood it even, until now. and it's not anyone telling me i should do things differently or anyone "harping" on me, being disappointed in me and my actions or nonactions.
Jaxon doesn't have a way to tell me i should feel guilty, but i do.

Guilt for working full time and not being there day in and day out for him
Guilt for getting frustrated when he wakes me up in the middle of the night
Guilt for wanting to have something in my life that doesn't involve him, that's my
own thing (yoga, pilates, dance)
Guilt for feeling resentful that i don't get to do the things i want
Guilt for everything that i feel i'm not doing right or feeling ignorant about


there is just no way to know how you will react to things and no way to know how you will feel about things until you are in the situation. and you just have to learn to work through it.
the cycle continues...
wow. a learning experience...
what else do i say?