Is Santa the "Right" Thing to Do? A Nod to Shakespeare...

As a parent, it frequently happens that you question a lot of things:

• societal norms
• they way you were raised
• the way you weren't raised
• the way others are being raised or raising their own
• a plethora of other ideals, mainstream and not-so-mainstream

One of these that comes up is the cultural myth of Santa Claus. In deciding to follow the tradition of Santa, many things have to be taken into consideration-- one of the biggest being the fact that you have to consistently maintain a complex fabrication while at the same time being flexible as your fabrication butts up against those of the rest of the families with which your child comes into contact.

In pondering this idea, I made an allusion to Shakespeare saying to myself, "To Santa, or Not to Santa...", which then sparked many an image in my mind:

• Negative images
• greed
• Black Friday stampedes
• last-minute stressful shopping
• being unhappy with what you get
• Positive images
• smiling faces
• the joy of giving
• the excitement of Christmas morning
• being happy because you have family time
• hot chocolate and movie time snuggles

And so, I have taken the famous "To Be or Not to Be...." soliloquy from Shakespeare's Hamlet and changed some of the words to fit my own thoughts.  I did keep quite a few of his words and tried to keep his "word vibe" when possible.This was challenging and quite fun at the same time.

I realize this version sounds kind of negative when pondering the idea of including Santa as part of a child's life growing up, and while that wasn't my intent, it's how it turned out. That being said, I plan to attempt the converse of this sentiment in the near future.

Enjoy!

To Santa, or not to Santa, that is the question—

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The whines and cries of outrageous children,

Or to take arms against thine own offspring,

And by opposing, end them?

They beg, they plead—

Want more! But buy no gift to say we end

The heart-ache, and the thousand greedy wants

That children now “need”?

'Tis a realization: children, they want more.

They want, you give, you give, and then they need;

Aye, there's the thing, for in that need and wanting, Santa Claus.

Where we have spent our money this time of year

Must give us pause. There's the reason

That makes a family of so long life:

For who would bear the whims and pouts of time,

The father’s wrong, the mother’s contumely,

The pangs of day to day, a life’s delay,

The insolence of youth, and the scorn

That patient virtue of the unworthy takes,

When we ourselves might change this future course

and say ‘No Santa’?

But who would bear this,

To fight and push under a weary life,

But that the dread of something, after bought,

Might break or be forgotten?

As Santa,

No parent returns, empty in hand,

But makes us rather bear those ills we have,

Of this ought to buy when we have no need

Thus the culture does make cowards of us all:

You want, I buy, you plead, I give: when does it stop?

I’m sicklied o'er, with the pale cast of thought,

This “Santa” engineers this feeling in me

In this regard my feelings turn awry

I loathe my indecision. Mind you now,

My spry young son. Thus, in all your futures

Remember my love, not Santa.

Bye Bye, Nap Time

The end is nigh.

The end of naps, I mean. I knew this day was coming, and yet, I am loath to see it go. We fought so hard to make it part of his routine. A regular nap schedule for Jax was very important in the attainment of a certain level of sanity. Not just mine, either.

In Jaxon's mind, he doesn't need naps. But the increasing argumentativeness that is evident as the day wears on tells a different story. This kid still needs naps. And after dealing with the intensity of a Jedi all morning, Mom and Dad usually need a nap too.

It's become such a rare thing that it has officially been re-dubbed "rest time". I'm cool with a rest time, even when he doesn't rest. Because he knows it's a quiet time. And as he gets older, Jax is able to spend more and more time playing on his own. It's just not truly a "rest", because there's this constant interrupting whisper of, "Mom...can I get up now? Is it time yet?" And, "Mom...can I get my Lego's out and play? I'll be quiet..."

He just has such a bad case of FOMO. You know, fear of missing out. I don't know what he thinks he's missing out on. When he should be napping, I'm usually hoping for a nap as well. Or just some quiet time to myself with a book.

Honestly, he is usually pretty quiet for a while. But the rest of the day is sooooo much nicer when he does actually rest.

A day without a nap has more:

• whining
• yelling--by him! No, really...
• arguments
• slammed doors--by me, not him. Just kiddin. He's the door-slammer in this house!

A day without a nap has less:

• cooperation in play time
• willingness to help out
• good times had by all

But a day with a nap? It's a beautiful thing. It's like all is right in the world for that 1.5 hours. And when that little monkey wakes up, he's so sweet and fun for the rest of the evening. Life's grand again in the Kane household. 

I'm not going to force him to continue naps. I'll keep instituting a quiet "rest time", at least for a while. Eventually, I know that will have to go as well. Today is one of the rare occasions in the last few months where he actually climbed into his bed and fell asleep. I'm loving this quiet solitude. And for now, I'm going to revel in it for as long as I can. 

4 going on...14??

At 4 and 1/2 Jaxon is larger than life. A whirlwind of dance moves, improv songs and stories, and a plethora of questions and conversation.

He's got a great sense of humor and quite the personality. He's an interesting combination of shy and look-at-me. All of that is well and good, and I have to say, even expected. What I didn't expect was the beginning of an attitude I can only classify as "teenagery". 

Yes. 
Teenagery. 

I fully anticipated heated discussions turning into arguments when a 12-18 year old Jaxon Jedi didn't get his way. I caught glimpses of moody stares and eye rolls in the not-so-distant future. Admittedly, I am expecting to hear many an exasperated "Mo-om!" in a deeper, yet still slightly pre-pubescent voice coupled with doors slamming and muttered curses.

I take full responsibility in the expectations of these things in the foreseeable future of life with a Jedi. Notice what I said there? 

Key word: future. 

I did not say the following words: now or presently or currently. But that is just what we are experiencing. Now. Presently. Currently. Well, except for that deeper, yet still slightly pre-pubescent voice. Not yet, anyway. Jax still has his slightly husky kid voice.

Jaxon knows how to throw a good fit. In fact, sometimes I worry about the integrity of the door to his room. In the world of this Jedi, you don't get one door slam. Or even two. You get at least three. Possibly four or five. He's gotta make his point after all. 

And by now, I've definitely heard many the exasperatedly sighed, "Mo-om!" when I've asked him to do something he doesn't want to do. Coupled with a dramatic eye roll. 

And the muttered, under the breath gripes have been happening for a while now. But just recently, there's a new dimension to them. And they are being used in context.

• shut [noun] \ˈshət\
• a close approximation to that lovely term (usually considered vulgar) in our vernacular which can be used to describe or reference a myriad of things such as:
• a pile of unwanted things
• literal or metaphorical fecal matter
• the way something made someone feel 
• interjectionally made when feeling slightly stressed

• damnit [noun]  \ˈdamit\
• spoken in just the right way while playing a game with some grownups when something didn't go quite right:
• the utterance of the word damn as a curse

For real.

Kinda makes you wonder what the teenage years are going to bring. 







Did I mention he already knows how to take a selfie?
Case in point:
                        
Exhibit A--The "I'm With a Friend Selfie"

Exhibit B--The "Lemme Show Off my Best Features Selfie"

Gluten....ugh (a non-Jaxon post)

So, this weekend, I inadvertently had couscous in my veggie soup. Sounds yummy, right?

Well, it tasted really good, and I ate about ½ of it before I realized there was couscous. I thought, “I didn’t have that much. I should be ok.” Unfortunately, I’m still feeling the effects the next day… and probably will tomorrow as well.

There are a lot of people who choose to avoid foods and beverages containing gluten. Some people have an actual allergy-celiac. Others are merely "sensitive". There is research suggesting that gluten is "bad" for all of us--at least in great quantities. There is also research that "divides" us into 3 segments--those who have celiac, those who are sensitive, and those who have no adverse reactions whatsoever.

I am one who is "sensitive". Of course, given the nature of life, there are varying degrees of sensitivity. When you tell people it's not an allergy, it's a "sensitivity", they look at you like you're picky and high maintenance. There's also a certain element of a you're-just-being-dramatic look.

Let me dispel the "overly dramatic" myth.

Dizziness. Lightheadedness. Migraines.

Cramps. Bloating. Stomachaches.

Inability to eat, exercise, or otherwise participate in much other than lying curled up in a fetal position. These are the immediate effects. There is nothing that helps. Nothing that takes away the uncomfortableness.

On top of it all, there are residuals that plague me for days afterwards.

Constipation.

Lethargy.

Moodiness.

Foggy-headedness.

This is my life when I have gluten. And I’m not allergic. I do not have celiac. I’ve been tested for it! Can you imagine if I did?? Who knows, maybe the test was wrong. Can a biopsy be wrong?

I don’t know, but when things aren’t labeled correctly or disclosed, it causes great discomfort. For me and others around me. Trust me, if I could, I would. I miss cakes and cookies. I really miss pizza. I miss bread and pasta. Just trust me when I say I “can’t have gluten.” Don’t make me feel like I am overreacting or being dramatic. Don’t tell me to “eat around it” or that a little “won’t be that bad, right?”. That’s insensitive of you.

I don’t miss feeling like crap and being out of commission. Not. At. All.

moves like...Jaxon

My boy's got some moves. For reals.
My first impulse is to say, "Where'd he get those?" But, who am I kidding? He's my son.


I have a happy dance for when I'm eating--especially if it's food I really like. Can't help it. I love food.

I dance in the grocery store to the music...I mean some serious getting down. People around me must think I'm insane. Funny. I don't do that when shopping with the hubs. Only solo grocery shopping or with Jax.

I mean, I dance to nothing at all. No music. Just my own music I hear in the white noise...or my head.

This kid didn't have a chance against the "gotta dance" gene.

He's got some very interesting moves. Some super fancy footwork along with ninja spins. I dig.
Maybe he can teach me some of those moves...

This is 4...

So. Four years old.

So.
Handsome.
Adorable.
Inquisitive.
Energetic.
Talkative.
Knowledgeable.
Moody.

Let's talk about that last one, there. Moody. I swear, this kid's mood swings can rival a pregnant mommy school teacher right before state testing. Who's hungry. And sleep-deprived.

One minute, he's sweet and lovable. Laughing and playing along nicely with others. The next, everyone's a "meanie!" and you "better stop it" before he punches you with his fist and growls at you. Or stomps off to some other spot in the house after throwing whatever he was working on. Then, he moves right into crying about how things are "too hard" and nobody "helps him".

I swear, it's enough to make me turn into Mr. Hyde or some similar facsimile thereof. Mrs. Hyde--the Insane Mommy. I read somewhere that we all have a part to play in the little dramas that affect us. You know, "What was my role in creating this situation?"

Well, I know good and well what my role was in creating the "Jaxuation", but in each of the situations where he flies off the handle, it is not always easy for me to see my role. I need to get better at catching myself in the moment so I can see where the switch is flipped--though, truth be told, I'm not always involved in these moody Jax moments.

Something to work on this year...and all the years to come, I guess.

For now, here's a little something I like to call "a perfect representation of life with a 4yo":

Stewie Griffin pesters his mamma

Tapping in or simply synthesis?

I can't tell you how many times since Jax has been born that he does or says something that throws us for a loop.

As he gets older, his thoughts and sayings tend to be more well-developed and thought-out theories on various things:

• why the plants grow the way they do
• whether that tiny gecko on the carpet in the middle of the hallway is simply hurt or scared
• why that tiny gecko is in our house
  
  

Everything has a reason for being or doing and Jax often knows, or thinks he knows, the answer. Often times he's right. A lot of times he's not. Sometimes, he is just plain cute.

Take, for example, this little gem from his birthday morning:

(Looking at his feet)-"Mom, I can look at my feet and tell that I'm 4 today. They look 4."

To me, this seemed a fairly normal, innocuous preschooler musing. Quite adorable, for sure.

But, when 5 minutes later, I was hearing his musings over reincarnation, I was, understandably, picking pieces of grey matter out of my hair:

(With the most serious face I have seen on this little jokester in a while): "Mom, when people die, their spirit leaves their body and joins up with all the other spirits-the people and the animals-and it becomes the force. If people come back alive with their spirit, it's with different bones that are growed together."

My first thought: "What? Did he just say that?"

My second thought: "We read too much Star Wars."

My third thought: "Did he really just say that? Wow. Can there BE too much Star Wars? I love this kid. Dang. I gotta post this on Facebook!" (haha!)

In all seriousness though, when I hear these types of comments or have these types of conversations with him, it's hard for me to fathom where he is going to be later on his journey. If he is already contemplating life and having mini epiphanies at the ripe old age of 4...man. He's got so much to teach us!

And yes, I share these Jaxisms and quotes from him as a partial brag. It's true. I do want some praise from the masses on the interwebs telling me that my kid is awesome. But honestly, in a lot of ways, I really just want feedback. I want to know how to foster this sense of...whatever it is so that he doesn't lose it. I want to know how far is too far to push him? What is he really capable of? Am I just biased, or is he really that amazing?

Who am I kidding? Of course he's amazing. He's my kid. But, you know what I mean...how do I help him be him without expecting too much?